It's Okay Not To Fall In Love

I used to believe that love does conquer all. That love is the epitome of life. Nothing is greater than love. But, maybe I've been mistaken between the kind of love I need with the kind of love I want. Some people said that love is supposed to feel gentle, not rushed. When the feeling makes your hand sweaty, it's not love, it's lust. Love suppose to make you feel calm. Is it, really?

Then again, maybe I am got confused with love. I saw many kind of love already. And all of them are beautiful. But, not all of them suited me. Only certain type of love really shook me to my core. Maybe it has something to do with our love language. Maybe.

Couple of months ago I feel ready to find a partner that wants to be in a relationship. But, after so many failed attempts, I don't think I am ready for any kind of relationship. I'm pretty sure I'm still traumatized with my last serious relationship. Those heartbreak felt like shit. I promise myself never again for me to feel that kind of feeling. I feel like shit, I cannot function normally, my work is not being handled as good as it used to. So, yeah, no more heartbreak.

So, I decide not to find any relationship. I just need the attention from guys. One night stand will be the best situation for me now. One night of amazing sex and many cuddles, and in the morning, we go our separate ways. No mess, great sex, great experience. I think.

The downside of having one night stand is, when people message you on dating apps, all they will discuss is about me in bed. And to be honest, kind of tired explaining the same things over and over again. But, I guess, that's the risk I'm willing to take rather than being heartbroken.